In His Steps

The standard of Jesus as an author was too ideal. Of course Jesus would use His powers to produce something useful, or helpful, or with purpose. For what reason was he, Jasper Chase, writing this novel? Why what nearly every writer wrote for - money and fame as an author. He was not poor, and so had no great temptation to write for money. But he was urged on by his desire for fame as much as anything. He must write this kind of matter.

But what would Jesus do? The question plagued him even more than Rachel's refusal. Was he going to break his promise? Did the promise mean much, after all?

As Jasper Chase looked out his window, Rollin Page emerged from the clubhouse just opposite. Jasper noted his handsome face and trim figure as he started down the street. He went back to his desk for a moment and then returned to the window. Rollin was walking down the block and Rachel Winslow was now beside him. Rollin must have overtaken her.

Jasper watched the two figures until they disappeared. Then he turned to his desk and began to write. When he had finished the last page of the last chapter of his book it was nearly dark. What would Jesus do? He had finally answered the question by denying his Lord. It grew darker in his room. He had deliberately chosen his course, urged on by his disappointment and loss.

Those paragraphs, from the book In His Steps by Charles M. Sheldon, are terrifying to me. They are of a faith rocked and broken not by persecution or upheaval or terror, but disappointment and choice. It is not under torture or torment, it is not with bombs and guns.

It is a man alone in his room, choosing to walk away.

What is terrifying about this is the simplicity of it, and how common it is.

We see people make the choice every day. We have made this choice ourselves, at least on some days. It may not be as final as the paragraphs above, but can be just as deadly.

Our world lives and thrives on the lie that if it is not "bad" then it must be OK. It gives permission to do what we will as long as we are "following our conscience." It insists that our will is good, and that what we desire is fine, that as long as we are following our hearts we surely will end where we belong. In short, it says the exact opposite of what Christ calls us to.

I cannot recall anywhere where God said, "as long as it does not go directly against my commands, I don't care what you do." I cannot think of anyplace in the Bible where that is even implied. And I cannot think of anything like that because I am convinced that it does not exist in God's Word.

You see, Jesus does not call us to follow our own will, but His. He does not call us to tweak our lives, but overthrow them. His call is one of total subjection to Himself, and nothing less. To insist on our will because it is not "bad" is still to insist on our will over His. 

This is not something that can stand.

What we must do, if we are truly going to follow Jesus, is ask why we do what we are doing. We need to take the time and effort to dig down and see the real reasons and motivations that are driving us. There is a time for work. There is a time for play. There is a time for family. There is a time for friends. There is a time to be alone. But in all of those things there is and must be time for God. He must fill and override them all if we are to be who He truly calls us to be.

If we don't, we may very well reach a point where we look out our window, recognize our final choice, and close into a darkened room and a darkened heart.

If we do, however, we have so much more to look forward to. When our lives are filled with the light and love of Christ, when every crevice and undercurrent is written by God, when we choose to fill our lives and experiences with the life-giving force of the Savior, and when our lives are over-ridden with the love of serving the Master, everything changes.

There is a light that waits over the horizon, and you are invited to it. There is love and hope and light and life waiting on the other side, just out of reach and just out of sight. But we can catch glimpses of it now. Patches of glory that shine through and give us hope for what is coming. But we must make the choice now to be a part of it. We must choose to follow and fill ourselves no matter the cost. We must subject our lives, hobbies, friends, families, jobs, food, experiences and everything else the upward call of Christ.

Because on the other side lies darkness. Beckoning with promises of power and wealth and happiness. Empty promises it can never fulfill because it is empty itself. It has nothing true to offer except a sucking away of all we hold dear. It lies subtlety, appearing to be so much more than it is, its only true desire to drink deeply of our lives and empty us before the end.

But God offers to fill. He offers to fill us to overflowing and more. But we cannot accept it if we hold tight to our own wills. We must let go, because that is the only way we can truly recognize Him as Lord. He offers freely. The only condition being that we give up our poor ration of crumbs so He can fill us with the full fatness of His joy and blessing.

The choice is ours to make. To follow the Master of All who can truly give or the little gods who promise much but only consume. There is life waiting, and there is death.

Let us be those who choose life.

What Its All About

Christianity is tied to one central object, and one alone. That object is Christ. It is not love or kindness or being nice or giving. Please don't mistake me (and if you know me at all you probably won't): those things are all extremely important, non-negotiable, huge parts of what Christ called us to be. They are not, however, what make up the central tenet of Christianity. And we need to be careful we do not worship the call over the Caller.

"Love is patient, love is kind..."

"And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love."

"Pure and undefiled religion before God and the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their trouble, and to keep oneself unspotted from the world."

These are all fairly well-known verses in the Bible. They speak of some of the central callings of the Christian. We are called to be all these things and more. We are called to give, to help the poor, to defend the weak, to encourage the brethren, to show mercy and pity, to love our neighbor, to be good, to show hospitality, and many other things.

But they are not what Christianity itself is about.

Because Christianity is about Christ. That's why it is called Christianity. That's why we are called Christ-followers. Please allow me to explain.

If we call ourselves Christians, but have none of those items above, I am not convinced that "Christian" is the right term for us. They show what it means to follow Christ. We cannot follow Him without love, we cannot follow Him without aiding our fellow man, we cannot follow Him without doing what He did. It just doesn't work. I cannot follow someone and then choose to not do what they said or live how they lived (or at least try my best to).

Hebrews 12:1-2 says "Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God."

This is what I mean when I say Christianity is not about being nice, love, kindness, etc, but Christ.

Being a Christian requires those things, but it is not about those things. They are important and non-negotiable, but they are not the hub of the wheel. Jesus is.

The Hebrew writer makes it clear: we are to lay aside every weight (those things which hinder us), put away sin and run the race. We run that race by following in Jesus' footsteps. We follow His footsteps by loving our neighbor, by helping the poor, by encouraging the downtrodden, by showing kindness and mercy to all regardless of who they are or what they've done, etc.

But those are things that we do. They are not the things that we look to. They are not the things that we follow. We look to and follow Jesus, and none other.

Because Jesus is the only one that can save us. Without Him, everything else loses meaning. It is because of Jesus that everything else has a purpose. I cannot work my way into Heaven, I have to come through Jesus.

Want to know how big a deal love is?
"Beloved, let us love one another, for love is of God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. He who does not love does not know God, for God is love." I John 4:7-8.

If you don't have love, you don't know God. That's pretty clear. Love cannot be separated from Christianity. It is completely entwined within it.

But want to know the greater purpose of love?
"In this the love of God was manifested toward us, that God has sent His only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through Him. In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another." I John 4:9-11

It is time we took the Word of God seriously about the calling He has called us to. To be there for the weak, to aid each other, and to love. Because He loved us first, and because He calls us to follow in His footsteps.

So let us follow. Not in the (relatively) weaker elements of the calling, but the greater One. The Hub.

Let us follow the Caller Himself.

Maturity and Entertainment

As you probably know, the new Muppets show recently aired on TV. It has been promoted as being a more "mature" and "edgy" version of the Muppets, with sexual jokes and innuendo, some language and a large dose of cynicism injected into the characters.

Now I'll be up front. I'm not a big Muppet guy. I remember seeing them on TV and Sesame Street, but they were never really my thing. I do not have much of a nostalgic view of them. I do at least try to keep informed on what is going on in the world though, and this was a big deal in the TV world, so I went ahead and watched it. I don't think I'll ever watch another one (like I said, Muppets aren't really my thing), but at least I know what it looked like here so that I can know what I am talking about.

It got me thinking, however, about what we consider to be "mature" programming. Now to be clear, while some of the jokes were crude and cynical, I didn't really notice anything horrifyingly blatant and outlandish, at least when compared to shows in similar time slots and formats. I had read what others had written about the show, but it really wasn't some new level of disgusting or crass. It was basically like any other generic mockumentary show, with Muppet characters taking the place of people who would be there instead. Honestly I was just kind of bored. 

But what I want to talk about is the larger issue at play here, which is why we call certain things "mature" and "edgy" and what that really means when it comes to what we choose to watch and play and allow our children to watch and play.

For a long time now (and especially it seems since TV Ratings began), the term "mature" has been used to describe many things that are anything but actually mature. We see this in the video game world as well, where M ratings for games are given out for content that is not mature, but for the blood, language and sex involved in it.

But blood, language and sex are not mature things in-and-of themselves. In fact they often do little more than cover over a film or game that, at its core, is simplistic and sophomoric in its telling. And we are the lesser for it.

The reason I take issue with this is because of how it has been and does change our perception of maturity. In doing this it gives those who are not mature (children, teenagers) a false idea of what it means to be mature and what it means to grow up. Children want to grow up and be big enough to do what adults are allowed to do. There used to be a time where that meant work and have a family and strike out on their own. Now in so many cases it becomes taken to mean play what adults play and watch what adults watch.

And those are two very different goals to have.

I realize that this is anecdotal, but I remember a kid in elementary school who told me he didn't want to play a video game unless it was rated 'M'. Having an 'M' rating meant it was good. All the other ratings meant that the game just wasn't worth playing, basically.

This was a kid. He wasn't over 4th grade at the time. He had no business having seen an 'M' rated game, must less it being his rating of choice.

But I am convinced that the reason he wanted to play those games (along with so many other kids), is because he wanted to be like the adults. And we have so infantilized and degraded what it means to be mature as to make it worthless. The biggest problem is that while we will suffer some for it, those who suffer the most from that mistake will be the kids who grow up thinking this is the way it is and should be. That your maturity is based on what you play and what you watch, instead of who you are and what you do with your life.

This is why it is so, so important that we not only take care of what our children watch and play but pay attention to what they perceive as why they can watch and play those things. Do we use terms like "this is a Mommy and Daddy show," or "this isn't a game for kids," not realizing that we may be driving them towards those same things by saying so? When we do something inappropriate for kids, we need to ask ourselves why said thing is inappropriate. 

The reason we need to ask ourselves why is because there are legitimate reasons for why we can do things children cannot do something we can. Some of these questions may look like the following:

Is it too complicated for them to understand?

Are the themes involved not something they are emotionally ready to handle?

Are my children ready to have their worldview challenged this way?

When is a time I would be comfortable allowing them to do this?

There are other questions to be sure, but this is a sample of legitimate reason you may not want your children to watch or play something. There are another set of questions that need to be asked however, that are a bit harder. We need to ask them though, because there are things that are not legitimate reasons for us being able to watch or do something when they cannot. Some of these questions may look like the following:

Is there anything good or worth thinking about in this show/movie/game?

What is the reason behind what is going on in it?

Is this glorifying sin or something that is sinful?

What is this filling my mind with and how does it affect my life?

Do I, as a Christ-follower, have any business watching or playing this?

Again, there are more questions than these, but this is a start. These questions are why I am so against things like Game of Thrones, the Kardashian's show and Attack on Titan (among others). They are why I refuse to play games like the modern Mortal Kombats and The Last of Us. It is not that they are well-polished and smartly done, but because they give nothing good back to the one involved with them. They are filled with gore, evil, cynicism and language and wrapped in a coating of sadistic humor. To fill yourself with entertainment like this is to fill yourself with the evil they are filled with.

We justify this by saying that it is "realistic," or "taken to the point of absurdity," but that is not the point. The point is that we have to justify it in the first place. As Christians, as those who claim to follow Christ, if we have to take pains to justify what we are watching or playing, chances are we don't have any business watching or playing it.

We need to ask these questions. We need to check ourselves on the entertainment we make ourselves a part of. Because what we desire to be a part of is what our children will desire to be a part of. And they will and do notice.

Take stock of your entertainment. Consider whether it is something worth being a part of or not. If you may come to the conclusion that yes, it is OK then great! But keep checking yourself so as to not get sucked into something that is not. If you get the feeling that it is not, perhaps it is time to change. Don't be afraid of it. It will enhance your life. It will enhance your children's life.

But don't allow the the world to tell you what you should or should not like, watch and play. Allow God to answer that question. He will never let you down.

Christ Died for Our Hearts

This is a rewrite of AW Tozer's essay of the same name. Large parts of it are quoted (but not marked as so), other parts are rewritten for clarity with a more modern audience. Originally written 50-70 years ago, none of it my own, it is very much worth reading.

The human heart lives by its sympathies and affections. In the day that will try every man's works it is not how much we know that will come in for much consideration. What and whom we have loved will be about all that matters then. For this reason we can never give too great care to the condition of our inner lives.

The vital place of moral sympathies in human character has not received the attention it deserves from our religious teachers in recent times. We are only now emerging from a long ice age during which an undue emphasis was laid upon objective truth at the expense of subjective experience. The climate in church circles was definitely chilly. We made the serious mistake of comparing ourselves to each other to judge our spiritual lives instead of comparing ourselves with Bible saints and with the superior lovers of God whose devotional works and hymns linger like a holy fragrance long after they themselves have left this earthly plane.

The reason behind this huge error is not hard to discover. The movement toward objective truth and away from religious emotion was in reality a retreat from fanaticism. Bible-loving Christians half a century ago were disgusted by certain gross manifestations of religious action by those who claimed to have the most exalted spiritual experiences, and as a result fled from the wildfire and into a deep freeze. Bible teachers became afraid to admit the rightness of religious emotion. The text became the test of tradition, and fundamentalism, the most influential school of evangelical Christianity, went over to textualism. The inner life was neglected in a constant preoccupation with the "truth," and truth was interpreted to mean doctrinal truth only. No other meaning of the word was allowed. Objectivism had won. The human heart cowered in its cold cellar, ashamed to show its face.

As might have been foreseen, the resulted in a steady decline in the quality of Christian worship on the one hand and, on the other, the rise of religious entertainment as a source of mental pleasure. Wise leaders should have known that the human heart cannot exist in a vacuum. If men do not have joy in their hearts they will seek it somewhere else. If Christian are forbidden to enjoy the wine of the Spirit they will turn to the wine of the flesh for enjoyment. And that is exactly what Christianity (as well as the so-called full gospel groups) has done in the last quarter century. God's people have turned to the amusements of the world to try to squeeze a bit of juice out of them for the relief of their dry and joyless hearts. Commercialized "gospel" singing now furnishes for many people the only religious joy they know. Others wipe their eyes tenderly over "gospel" movies, and a countless number of amusements flourish everywhere, paid for by the consecrated tithes of people who ought to know better. Our teachers took away our right to be happy in God and the human heart wreaked its terrible vengeance by going on a fleshly binge from which the evangelical church will not soon recover, if indeed it ever does. For multitudes of professed Christians today the Holy Spirit is not a necessity. They have learned to cheer their hearts and warm their hands at other fires. And scores of publishers and various grades of "producers" and getting fat on their neglect.

The human heart with its divine capacity for holy pleasure must no longer be allowed to remain the victim of fear and bad teaching. Christ died for our hearts and the Holy Spirit wants to come and satisfy them.

Let us be like Isaac and open again the wells our fathers dug and which have been stopped up by the enemy. The waters are there, cool, sweet and satisfying. The will spring up again at the touch of an honest shovel. Who will start digging?

You Won't BELIEVE What They Do with This Baby!

Image from Adam4d

I hope that title is click-worthy enough. Because what they do with that baby is tap its heart and see it beating, then cut off her face to pull out her brain.

Heart beating. Face cut off. Brain pulled out.

Do I really need to say anything else at this point? I you think I do, then read on.

Just as a reminder right up front, this is not a political issue. It is a moral one.

I'm pretty much past the point of being angry. I don't know if I am even sad anymore. More than anything I believe I am just kind of numb. And not the good kind of numb that lets you ignore whatever is going on, but that sinking, horrible kind of numb that comes over you as a defense mechanism so you don't completely lose your mind.

If you haven't seen the video, I suggest you do not watch it unless you have an extremely strong stomach and/or demeanor. If you are a sensitive person at all, a transcript of it would be much, much better for you.

I have been pretty quiet on the topic of abortion, especially on this blog. I mention it sometimes in preaching, but rarely (if ever) in writing. That cannot happen anymore. Though I may be late to the battle, the evil is too great and the costs are too high for me to remain silent anymore.

It is known that science at large promotes the idea that life begins at conception. Even PBS (not exactly a religious or conservative think-tank), promotes their special "Life's Greatest Miracle" with the tagline, Trace human development from embryo to newborn through the stunning microimagery of photographer Lennart Nilsson.

Trace human development. Not embryonic development. Not potential human development.

Do we see the disconnect yet?

A life in the womb is a human life. If it wasn't, abortion wouldn't be controversial. It is controversial because the life being destroyed is a human life. Yet by law there is a magical 7 inch boundary between the uterus and the outside world that says human life can be destroyed there, but not here.

But Planned Parenthood can't even abide by that.

They have taken living people, born outside the womb, and dissected them to sell their parts for money. We are currently living in a society where government gives half a billion dollars to an organization that has taken living people and chopped them up to sell their body parts. Yet it is justified by saying "oh, well that money doesn't go to abortions." That is a lie. In giving that of money to an organization, it directly goes to abortions by freeing up money from elsewhere for them.

I can't believe I am having to argue against giving money to an organization that is now known to treat living humans as a chop-shop for research. Of all the things I thought I would ever write about, this was not on that list. Yet people defend it and politicians sit around twiddling their thumbs because "shutting down the government is bad" and "people don't like them looking like big meanies."

I dare say that the destruction, torture and selling of humans in order to sell their parts is a far greater evil than shutting down the government or looking mean.

I don't know what to do about all this. I'm just one person. But maybe, just maybe if people started banding together we could make a difference. There is a great evil on our doorstep. It is not far away, it does not take a plane ride to get there, it does not requires us to learn another language or culture. It is right here in our backyards.

It is time for people, and especially Christians, to start banding together against this madness. Like I said I don't have a 4-step plan or anything, but I can take ideas from others like Matt Walsh, who though I often have serious disagreements about how he writes, readily concede that he puts forth some good ideas, which are:

Keep the issue out in the open. Talk about it on social media. Talk about it with your friends. Take a stance publicly, through whatever forums you have available to you.

Support candidates who are one hundred percent pro-life and fully committed to the cause. I won’t tell you which candidates fit that bill because I think they still have to prove themselves.

Take to the streets. Picket Planned Parenthood clinics. March. Rally. Be present and active physically.

Money talks. Our government gives half a billion dollars to the abortion industry. You might not have that much to give, but donate whatever you can to pregnancy centers and other organizations that serve the cause of life.

Pray. If we aren’t going to include prayer in this crusade, it will be hopeless. Pray. Every day.

If we do these things together, it will make a difference. One alone may not be able to do much, but there are millions of Christians out there who can make their voice known if only they will use it. Let us not fall prey to the lie that says we cannot do anything about it.

Let us make that difference to save the innocent, and let us do it together.

The Terror of Darkness

Habakkuk 3:17-18

"Though the fig tree should not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines,the produce of the olive fail and the fields yield no food,the flock be cut off from the fold and there be no herd in the stalls,yet I will rejoice in the Lord; I will take joy in the God of my salvation."

Usually I try not to give spoilers to upcoming sermons, but all well.

I believe this verse is something that we, as Christians, need to take a long hard look at. The reason I believe we need to consider it (and by consider I mean think about, study and apply to our lives), is the potential it has for radically and fundamentally reshaping our entire outlook on life, especially when the Terror of Darkness comes and destroys our view of the world around us. It can show us how even in fear and destruction we can choose to rejoice in God and give Him our all, even if our all is a pittance (in our eyes) compared to what others our even our past selves have been able to offer.

You see, far too often we fall into a trap that says if what we can bring before God does not measure up to what we have been able to bring in the past, then it must not be a worthy gift.

This is a lie.

I do not recall anywhere in Scripture where God commands that if you are able to offer him 3 full grown bulls when you are 25 years old, that once you hit 35 years old you better be able to offer him 3 full grown bulls or nothing at all. Likewise I do not recall anywhere in Scripture where God commands that if you make it to the high mountains of faith and can offer Him the most amazing worship and devotion at 25, that once you hit 35 you better be able to do the same thing or nothing at all. It is just not there.

And it is a trap to believe we are called to such a thing.

Now at first glance this feels backwards. Paul says to run the race, right? In a race you make progress, right? So therefore we must make progress in our faith in order to be "running the race," right?

Right. Also, wrong.

Right because we are called to run the race to win the prize, wrong because we tend to mistake our concept of progress for faith's concept of progress.

Most humans like to think in linear terms. You go from Point A to Point B and that is progress. But faith isn't like that. Faith is messy and filled with progress going up and down, left and right, backwards and forwards. It is filled with high mountains and low valleys and horrifying enemies and beautiful allies. It is anything but linear.

In other words, it looks a lot like life.

Take Peter's progress for example. He followed Jesus, cast out demons, preached the Gospel, denied Jesus...wait, what?

Yes, denying Jesus was also a part of his progress of faith. Not a fun part, mind you, but it was a part of it. And Jesus Himself called Peter out on it. Ever stop to think what effect that may have had on Peter's outlook on life? He denied the the One of whom he said, "You are the Christ, the Son of the living God." He confessed Jesus to His face, then turned around and denied he ever knew Him.

Think that may have had an impact on his desire to ensure he never did anything like that again? That is progress, but it only became progress because he chose to let it become such. When Jesus told him three times to "Feed My sheep," Peter was saddened, but he still chose to say "Lord, you know everything; you know that I love you."

He chose progress after his darkest hour. He chose Jesus, even after he failed his Savior. The other path was taken by Judas.

But back to Habakkuk.

Habakkuk has just been told by God that all of Judah is about to get wrecked by Babylon, an evil, brutal nation. Then when he questions God about it God's answer is basically "Don't worry, the Babylonians will get their's too."

Oh...umm...thanks?

But that is not his response. Instead, He spends the first 15 verses of chapter 3 praising God and recounting the power He has shown the Israelites. He spends it praising God.

Then we see just how terrified he is of what God has told him when he says this in verse 16.

"I hear, and my body trembles; my lips quiver at the sound;rottenness enters into my bones;my legs tremble beneath me.Yet I will quietly wait for the day of troubleto come upon people who invade us."

Habakkuk is terrified. And he admits it. He puts it out there for all to see. It almost looks as though he has given up. That he has thrown in the towel and walked away.

But that's not it at all.

Instead he has given up all his hopes and dreams and plans that were his, and latched onto the hopes and dreams and plans that are God's. He knows there is no hope left for Judah. His friends, his family, his city and his country are going to be destroyed. Judgment is coming and there is nothing he can do about it.

Save for accepting it and turning to God instead of even those things for his happiness and joy.

Hillsong United has a song called "Even When It Hurts." In it they sing,

Even when the fight seems lost, I'll praise You
Even when it hurts like Hell, I'll praise you
Even when it makes no sense to sing, Louder then I'll sing Your praise

This is Habakkuk's answer to his terror. To praise and honor God, to take joy from Him, because there is nothing else he is going to be able to take joy in. It is all going to be wiped out.

"Though the fig tree should not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines,the produce of the olive fail and the fields yield no food,the flock be cut off from the fold and there be no herd in the stalls,yet I will rejoice in the Lord; I will take joy in the God of my salvation."

Terror and darkness and fear is not the end of the story for the Christian. It may look that way at times, and we may not be able to see beyond it, but we can, even if it is only in the most barely perceptible way, understand that there is something beyond it.

Because there is something beyond everything. This world. This heartache. This blindness. Everything.

There is the King.

A Life of Confidence

Today I attended a memorial service that was streamed online for one of my teachers at SIBI. His name is Gerald Paden. He was a missionary, teacher, preacher, prankster and many other things.

I say was, because now he is a participant in the Great Celebration that is Heaven.

He was also a man of extreme confidence, and who shared with others what that confidence means and looks like.

For a long time I had doubts about the security of my salvation. I wasn't exactly taught to doubt it, but there also wasn't a huge emphasis on it in class and worship growing up (or maybe there was and I missed it). In any case, I found myself far too often worrying about what would happen if I died suddenly, or if Christ came when I was in the middle of a sin. What would happen if I were to suddenly "die in my sins," so to speak.

I don't think it was until I was in Paden's class on the epistles of John that I finally grasped the shocking, visceral, horrifyingly unreal depth that is salvation in the blood of Messiah.

Understand, brothers and sisters, what it means to be walking in the light and in the blood of Christ. As John writes it, "walking in the light" is a settled practice of choice. It is not our mistakes, but our desire to follow, that define our walk in Christ. My settled practice of walking in the light as He is in the light is the choice I make to follow Him not only in the times it is easy, but to follow Him back out of the mire when I have totally blown it.

This is what is so shocking about it. That not only would God forgive our sins by Jesus' sacrifice, but that He would keep on forgiving us when we utterly fail Him after choosing to follow Him. Further, not only does He keep on forgiving, He continues to allow us to come before Him on His throne to make known what we need of Him. He continues to listen to us, to love us, to cherish us even when we have made a complete and utter disaster of it all because of the saturating nature of the blood of the Lamb.

That is what is so visceral about it all. God not only puts us into His family and His church, but He does so by replacing our blood on the altar with the blood of Christ. In the Old Testament, the worshiper would slay his own sacrifice in agreement with God that his sins deserved death. The animal's blood took the place of the worshiper's on the altar. This is how Christ saved us. It was our blood that should have been spilled on the cross, and in putting our faith in Christ for our salvation, we agree with God to the point we must cry out "Crucify!" with the crowd before Pilate. In doing so, we agree that God's judgment is right, and that Christ is the only one who can atone for what we have done.

All of this is why the depth of salvation is so horrifyingly unreal, and why we can have such confidence. It goes beyond "Jesus saved me," to "Jesus SAVED me." We will not have confidence in our salvation until we realize the depth of what has been done for us on our behalf. Hebrews 7:25 says, 

"Therefore He is also able to save to the uttermost those who come to God through Him, since He always lives to make intercession for them."

Consider that.

In the Gospel of John 21:30-31 John writes,

"And truly Jesus did many other signs in the presence of His disciples, which are not written in this book; but these are written that you may believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God, and that believing, you may have life in His name."

Then at the end of I John in 5:13 he writes,

"These things I have written to you who believe in the name of the Son of God, that you may know that you have eternal life, and that you may continue to believe in the name of the Son of God."

Jesus does not desire us to live in a fearful expectation of judgment. That type of life is reserved for those who do not place their trust in Him. We are those who can live a life of confidence, because His Word has the final, authoritative say in everything we know and see and feel and believe. It is because He is true, because He is just and because He is merciful and loving and great that we can live our lives doing the best we can for His glory. Not so that we will earn our way to His side, but because He has already earned our way to His side for us.

That is what is means to live in confidence.

That is what it means to live in Him.